Walt Disney's Alice in Wonderland in Five Minutes!
by Lady Isla
Summary: Read the title, and the story, and review please! The Disney movie in FIVE minutes...


Hello, folks! This "Walt Disney's Alice in Wonderland in 5 Minutes"! Enjoy! 

Disclaimer: I don't own the Disney film.

**"Walt Disney's Alice in Wonderland in 5 Minutes"**

Sister: Blah blah blah, yada yada yada, blah blah...  
Alice: If I have a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. In other words: strange, silly, and weird.  
Dinah: Meow!  
White Rabbit: Ack! I'm late! I'm late!  
Alice: Holey moley, a talking rabbit with a watch! Now being the dumb blonde I am, I should follow! 1  
(Alice follows the Rabbit and she falls down the hole. She meets the Doorknob.)  
Doorknob: Hey! Watch where you twist that knob!   
Alice: Oops, sorry. Can I get in?  
Doorknob: No way. You're WAY too big. Drink that bottle on the table over there.  
Alice: What if it's poisoned?  
(She shrugs and drinks it anyway. She shrinks.)  
Doorknob: Uh-oh, I forgot something: I'M LOCKED.   
Alice: NOOOO-- hey, is that a cookie I see before me?  
(She eats is and she grew big. WAY big.)  
Doorknob: I see London, I see France, I see pretty underpants.  
Alice: I wanna go home! Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!  
Doorknob: Gurgle... no wait... gurgle gurgle... stop!  
(Alice grew small again. She rides the bottle where she reaches the shores of Wonderland.)  
Tweedles: Hellooo, Dolly!  
Alice: Who the heck are you?  
Tweedledum: Tweedledum!   
Tweedledee: Tweedledee!  
Tweedles: Let's hear it for The Walrus and the Carpenter!  
Walrus: Mwahahaha, good-bye, oysters! CHOMP!  
Carpenter: I'LL KEEL YOU!  
Tweedles: The end!  
Alice: What a strange story. Well, gotta go!  
(Alice finds the White Rabbit's house)  
Alice: Now I wonder what idiot lives here...   
White Rabbit: Mary Ann, fetch me my gloves!  
Alice: Ooh, another cookie. (eats it, grows big) Aw, rats!  
White Rabbit: Aaahh! Monster!  
Dodo: Kill the Beast! 2  
White Rabbit: Wrong movie.  
Dodo: Oops... Let's burn the house down!  
White Rabbit: Nooo! My furniture!  
(Alice eats a carrot and escapes. She ends up in a garden.)  
Flowers: Hee hee hee, we're pretty flowers and you're an ugly weed. Shoo!  
Alice: Talking rude flowers...   
Caterpillar: Who... are... you?  
Alice: Why don't you tell me your name first?  
Caterpillar: Why?  
Alice: Everything is so confusing today!  
Caterpillar: Eat the mushroom, and you'll grow big and small.  
(Alice eats one side of the mushroom. She grew very tall.)  
Bird: Help! Serpent!  
Alice: I'm not a serpent!   
Bird: Liar!  
(Alice eats the other side and grew to the size she wants to be.)  
Alice: Okay, now where do I go from here?   
Cheshire Cat: (sings a very scary song)  
Alice: Whoa! You're a cat!  
Cheshire Cat: Call me Cheshire Cat.  
Alice: Whatever. So can you tell me which way I ought to go? I'm looking for the White Rabbit.  
Cheshire Cat: Doesn't matter which way you go. But if I were looking for a White Rabbit, I'd ask the Mad Hatter.  
Alice: Why?  
Cheshire Cat: He's mad. I'm mad. We're all mad here. Mwahahaha! (disappears and leaves his grin behind)  
Alice: Spooky...  
(Then she goes to the tea party.)  
Mad Hatter and March Hare: A verry merry Unbirthday to us!  
Alice: Nice.  
March Hare: Who are you? Where do you come from? You're not invited.  
Mad Hatter: Have a cup of tea.  
Alice: Okay...  
Mad Hatter: Clean cup! Clean up! Move down!  
Alice: I haven't even drank mine!   
March Hare: Let's change the subject.  
Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing-desk?  
Alice: (repeats it) Why is a raven like a writing-desk?  
March Hare: Eek! You're mad!  
Mad Hatter: Stay back! Don't come any closer!  
White Rabbit: (appears) No time for this! I'm late!  
Mad Hatter: Ooh, look at that watch. I'm gonna destroy it. (he destroys it)  
White Rabbit: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
(Alice gets lost again.)  
Alice: I'm lost! I can't find my way!  
Cheshire Cat: You have no ways here. All the ways here are the Queen's ways. You must meet her. She'll be mad about you! Mwahahahaha!  
(Alice find's the Queen's land.)   
Card Painters: Painting the roses red, we're painting the roses red...  
Alice: The Queen!  
Queen: My roses! Off with their heads! You, little girl standing there, do you play qroquet?  
Alice: Uh-huh.  
(The play the game.)  
Cheshire Cat: Hiya, babe.   
Alice: Don't bother me, Cheshire Cat.  
Queen: Quiet!  
Cheshire Cat: Let's flip the Queen.  
Alice: No!  
Cheshire Cat: Yes!   
Alice: No!  
Cheshire Cat: Yes!  
Alice: No!  
Cheshire Cat: Yes!  
Alice: No!  
Cheshire Cat: ... No.  
Alice: Yes! ... Aw crap, no!  
(The Queen gets flipped.)  
Alice: Oh, snap.   
Queen: Off with her--  
King: Trial first!  
(Trial)  
Queen: Name your sentence.  
Alice: But what about my verdict?  
Queen: Sentence first, verdict afterwards.  
Alice: Hey, that's not fair!   
Queen: Fairs for tourists, kid. 3  
White Rabbit: First witness!  
March Hare: I know nothing whatsoever.  
White Rabbit: Second witness!  
Dormouse: Twinkle, twinkle litle bat...  
White Rabbit: Third witness!  
Mad Hatter: I swear it wasn't me! I was home drinking tea because today's my unbirtday!  
Queen: It is? Let's party!  
Alice: Hey, Your Majesty, the Cheshire Cat is sitting on your head!  
Dormouse: CAT?  
(There was chaos. The Queen ends up getting jam on her face and gets whammed on the head by a mallet.)  
Queen: Somebody's head is gonna roll for this!  
Mad Hatter: (gives Alice the mallet) It's been nice knowing you, my dear.   
Queen: (to Alice) YOU!  
(Alice ate both the mushrooms (stupid!) and she grew big.)  
Alice: A-hahaha! I win!  
(She shrinks.)  
Alice: Rats.  
Queen: OFF WITH HER HEAD!  
Sister: Blah blah blah, and that's why the chicken crossed the road! ... Alice? Wake up!  
Alice: (wakes up) Huh? Oh, what a strange dream I had.

The End

1 - No offense to all blondes out there.  
2 - A line from "Beauty and the Beast".  
3 - a line from "Oliver and Company".

Well, what do you think?  
Yes, I'm mad, right?


End file.
